she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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