I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
