you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
