Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
