uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
