Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
