my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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