AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
