Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
