Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
