and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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