Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
