If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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