i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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