I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
