oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
