So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
