found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So much rum. So many feels.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
