Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
