Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to make out with him forever
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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