my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
honey bunches of taint.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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