I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
