I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
