my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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