piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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