I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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