Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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