Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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