dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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