I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
