could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
