A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
