i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
