One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
