I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
