oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
