I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
