Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
