One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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