i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
