I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
