omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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