I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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