I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
