i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
