I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
