Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
