I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
