come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
