Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
