I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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